This Year Do the Math!             Lately I have been listening closely to what people choose to talk about, especially strangers. I often hear lots of woes, worries, fears and ‘why me’s. When people do this, I can sense the energy floating around the conversation, it seems to get heavier and darker and eventually it is so thick that I can feel it. People talk about their aches and pains, how horrible their spouse is and why they are in debt. Eventually, I feel nauseated and I have to simply walk away.  We all have had a bad day, some of us a bad year but rehashing our miseries with others is really a waste of oxygen. If you’re going to seek comfort by complaining to others, then you need to at least take some responsibility to make some positive changes. Don’t get me wrong, if you are upset, talking about it is always a great way to emote but when that same subject dominates all of your conversations for days on end and even for years, it can become a big problem. There may be a solution and lightening your attitude and conversation may help you find one. When life gets you down why not try an alternative approach. I have found that you can lift the energy of a conversation by bringing up a light subject, like “did you see that new movie”, “have you read that new book” or “have you tried that thing everyone else is doing?” For a minute, people who were all about doom and gloom become like curious dogs with their heads tilted, “what did she say?” After a pause, some will return to talking about themselves and their troubles. However, others are able to refocus their minds and shift their conversation to something much more positive and meaningful. Recently, I tried this approach in an interaction that was going south by saying “I feel lighter after I let something go from my past.” The woman with whom I was hoping to have a heart to heart conversation with looked at me and said “well I can’t do that, it’s a past-life thing.” Then she added, “How would you know how I feel anyway… you can just go back to your lovely home, husband, and kids… you don’t have any problems!” I felt that she was being a bit naïve.  We have all been through something in our lives. I may not know how she felt right then, but I think that the idea works both ways.  She has no understanding of what I have been through either, so why compare? I haven’t seen anyone with the perfect life yet.  Experiences give us lessons, but whether or not we learn from them and move on is up to us. My experiences have taught me that releasing negativity and focusing on something positive is vital to genuine growth. My oldest daughter has been my greatest teacher on this subject. Years ago she had run into a bad string of events and things kept getting worse.  The unfortunate thing is that she often focused on the idea of why me rather than asking “How can I change this?” She spent time with negative people, talking “trash” and engaging in self-destructive activities. One day, she was complaining to me, and I asked her, “Do these things add or subtract from your life?” Wide-eyed and a bit angry, she looked at me and I said “Just do the math!” I simply left it at that. I just couldn’t entertain the energy that had formed around her any longer. It just felt bad! It took some time, but she realized that she could be in control of her life, rather than only commenting on what was taking place.  She began to add to her life instead of subtract from it. She let go of some of her self-defeating habits. First it was her words - for instance, she changed “Why bother, [good things] will just be taken away from me anyway,” to “I deserve more.” She began weeding out the negative people in her life, which also removed the negative activities. She paid her bills instead of running from them and showed up to her job on time, which resulted in not only raises but also a promotion. When she stopped complaining and took action, she started seeing the scales tip in the right direction. Today she continues to do the math. This year put your mind and mouth on a diet. See if you can lighten up your conversations and lift others up instead of bringing them down. You could focus on the good that has come your way, what blessings have found you or even a dream you may want to manifest. If you do this, I guarantee you will not only see things turn around but also you’ll begin to attract a different group of people into your life. To quote Anthony Robins “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” This year make your resolution to be more positive. The energy that surrounds you will feel better and others will notice the change immediately. If being positive doesn’t work, you can always go back to the way you were before. No loss, no gain….do the math!   If life is weighing on you, why not try workshops and counseling that will lift your spirits!   “Dena Marie doesn’t heal you, she gives you the tools you need to heal yourself.”- Tanya